…on The Art of Bullet Dodging

Posted in Brain Droppings, Chick, Deep Ponderings, Happy News, Philosophy on February 5, 2013 by journeymantojo

It’s a subtle art that calls for grace and agility. And it should be mastered by every one. Even the belligerent like myself.

Let’s back up.

A few weeks ago I posted about a gal I was fancying and how I felt about gender assumptions. Well, I was approaching this one cautiously. Sought council with trusted friends. Had established a network of agents to operate and gather intel in my absence. A very good approach to any situation. (And they said I was crazy for reading Sun Tzu…..truthfully nobody has said that. But this is my blog so let’s all just pretend they did. I’m trying to play the part of the misunderstood dude here.)

Now, of course I wasn’t sitting around just waiting for her to magically appear in my doorway, so like I said, I was scouting and calculating risk and so on.

The attraction was part physical but it was also the strong possibility that this one might be level-headed but (And seriously, who didn’t see that coming. If there wasn’t a but this would be called “…on Life Being Pretty Sweet Right Now.”) it turns out that she lacks one of the key qualities to being level-headed.

Her downfall….she pines for someone who has no interest.

[Intermission]: For those who know my past and how far I’ve come, you will understand that despite initial appearance, this isn’t pining over an unrequited but merely a joyous rant on how people confuse me at times because this is the part where she stops being the central focus and the subject of bullet dodging takes the fore. [Game On]

Seriously, what is there to gain from it. Like, I get wanting someone. The paper I list my “date-ables” on, I could build a paper airplane the size of a Boeing 757 with the ability to comfortably accommodate…wait, how many people can comfortably fit in a 757 and how much weight would that be in both food and beverages to accommodate said passengers? Fuck, what was I metaphoring about? Damn. Oh yeah. Look, it would be a lot of paper, okay?! Can we stop putting me under all this pressure. I’ve reached my metaphor quota for this day. Either way though, yes the list is large but the emotional investment has been stopped. I no longer throw those emotions into a relationship where there is no dividend. It’s just irresponsible. So why do people still do it? Why throw away your feelings when there is someone out there who will promise better returns on the emotional investment.

Meanwhile, back at the topic of the heading. I feel I’ve dodged the bullet because like I’ve been saying this whole time, I just won’t invest in something that promises me no returns. And as an added huzzah to this successful dodging of imaginary bullet (IMAGINARY not MAGIC. These are life stories, not conspiracy theories. The JFK room is two halls over.) is the fact that a mutual acquaintance explained to me once that she doesn’t seem to be the cause of drama. The recent unfolding of events have proven to the contrary. So I have dodged the most crucial bullet of all. A drama battery.


…on Being Gunshy

Posted in Brain Droppings, Dating, Humor, Romance with tags , , on January 14, 2013 by journeymantojo

I heard a great line a few days ago. Let’s see if I can recall it accurately.

“If you leave the house and run into an asshole, well, you have met an asshole. But if you leave the house and spend the day running into assholes, you’re the asshole.”

That makes me a bit gunshy. I’ve been chatting up this lady and have decided that I would enjoy asking her out for a drink. Get to know her. But….

(And you knew there was going to be a but. That’s why I’ve got the number one blog in the country….according to stats that I just made up.)

…I wonder, was it me that wrecked the few that I’ve had in the past couple of years.

I could go on some little discussion about how I’m happy being single and life is less complicated as a bachelor and my hand doesn’t argue and porn is a completely accepted art form and that hobo got what he deserved, but really people, this isn’t a court of law so stop asking about that guy. Neither is it some relationship counselor type forum where we all hug it out and cry about our loneliness (or executed hobos). Nope, it’s a blog where I get to do all the talking and none of the listening. So shut-up about whatever that transients name was and let’s discuss being gunshy.

I’m going to ask her out. I would be a fool not to. She’s very pretty and laughed off my awkwardly phrased comment (She even jokes about the “stalker” vibe, which anybody who knows me knows that I’m just too damned lazy to stalk or even give off a vibe.). But damn if the doubts don’t crop up on occasion. Those little feelings of where did I go wrong, was I the asshole, could I have done anything differently, am I emotionally mature, will they ever find the transients body. But like everyone else, I have to brush those doubts aside. Can’t be having that shit crop up while we talk about our hobbies and dreams and passions and midnight excursions into the city to find the next prey in my newfound love of the sport of human-hunting.

Holy shit!? Was there even a point to this whole rant?

Where was I going with this?

OH YEAH! I remember now. According to a mutual friend of ours, this girl I like already knew that I’m into her. And that got me to thinking.

If she knows that I like her, and has been waiting for me to ask, why didn’t she seize the moment and be all “I figure it’s because you’re a little shy and are therefore working up the nerve to ask me out so allow me to help. Here is my number, and yes, I would enjoy getting a drink with you.” Is it the game of “having” me ask and step-up part of the fun for her? The thrill of being pursued? Does she know that I’m a little gunshy? Or is she just as shy?

Or maybe she already knows about my hobby?

Ladies, any thoughts?

…on Piracy

Posted in Brain Droppings, Deep Ponderings, Music, Politics with tags , , on March 12, 2012 by journeymantojo

Me and a friend were talking about the old days of anime. How it was all handled by video swaps and trades. Because back then, there were no specialty mall stores handling all things anime. It was anime fans trading VHS cassettes with two or three different recorded animes. And we would take these tapes and retape them and put them into our collection and then trade out that tape for another collection of anime. Potlabor, Tank Police, Akira, Riding Bean, Ninja Scroll…..all of those I saw on bootleg tapes.

Of course I only bring this up because not even a full month before this discussion I was watching Metal Evolution. Good show dealing with the history of the metal scene. And in the thrash episode, there is Lars Ulrich talking about how in the past (the ’80’s) the only way to get music from the thrash metal scene was through tape trading. It wasn’t just limited to metal. A lot of underground scenes relied on it. Hip-hop, indie rock, alternative, DIY punk…all of them. But my point is, here was Lars Ulrich saying that tape swapping was awesome. Wait, isn’t this th guy who attacked NAPSTER? Tape swapping is file sharing people. When I was looking for the clip of him admitting to ’80’s era piracy, I stumbled on to this:

Because i only thought of tape swapping as a localized thing. But apparently, with the internet, tape swapping has become so much more. These guys are live in countries where this kind of music isn’t exactly smiled upon.

Now this isn’t me justifying it by tacking some bigger, nobler it’s-about-freedom-and-bringing-music-to-the-oppressed type cause line to this whole debate. But I am saying that it does feel that way when an Arab and an Egyptian are saying that it’s the ONLY WAY THEY CAN GET THAT MUSIC.

I’ve been in two bands. And I’ve always let it be known by my bandmates that I don’t give a shit if my music gets pirated. As long as some kid is hearing my music and getting off, getting inspired, wanting to create something himself, then I don’t care. Let them download my shit.

“What about the money dude?” That was always the counterpoint. To which I would simply say, “So the kid got my album for free. I hope he likes it. I hope he loves my music. I hope he loves it so much that he wants to see us live. That’s when he’ll fork over the cash.” We would all laugh, but the reality is…..as long as that kid gets that there is someone out there who feels, thinks, lives, understands what he is going through the way music has done for all of us, who cares if he stole it? Just means the executive who signed us won’t make money.

But that’s just the opinion of some struggling musician. “I’m sure your opinion would change once you get signed.” Well, let’s ask Dave Grohl.

He's a friend. He let me use his image. We're tight like that

Just a thought.

…on Making You Wait

Posted in Brain Droppings with tags , on March 8, 2012 by journeymantojo

Well, hello there. How have you been?

Oh me? Well, I’ve been busy getting some stuff done. Got a girlfriend. And some new toys. One of which owns a vagina and she loves it when I play with it.

I’ve also been working on a new project. I’m digging it a little. Deals with the whole Vlad Tepes thing.

I’ve also been dry on ideas to post. But everything starts somewhere I guess. So I’m getting my blood ready for changing the game. Some new directions with what is done in the blog. There will always be sick twisted humor but also a new focus of energy means there will be fewer friends willing to read my thoughts. Hey, can’t make an omelet without telling some people to fuck off though, right?

Catch you guys on the round.

…on How Do I Get THAT Job?

Posted in Brain Droppings, Deep Ponderings, Humor, Lists with tags , , on February 2, 2012 by journeymantojo

Watching History Channel the other day (As I often do) and it was this show on spirits. The liquor kind, not the restless dead kind. And there was this guy…one of the “experts” that they often consult and his job title under his name was Editor, Beer Monthly (Or some shit like that. I can’t remember the title, just that it was an “industry” mag.) And I thought of that line from Blazing Saddles; “Men, we have to band together to protect our phony baloney jobs!”

After I chuckled a bit, I thought a deeper thought. Now I don’t mean to take away from the legitimacy of this guys job. I never understood industry mags (The biggest thought being “How can one person love an industry so much that he can write about it once a month?”) but they do serve a function. I guess. Because I can’t even say I would want to read one other than pure, morbid curiosity. But my deeper thought was, “How do I get one of the phony baloney jobs that would make me an expert for History Channel, or Discovery, or whatever documentary channel or movie out there?”

Here is a list of some of my favorites.

  • UFOlogist: Come on! What school or degree could you attend or get that makes you an expert on something that’s very realism is questioned? And these guys legitimately make money from this? What the hell could the bid or contract negotiation be like? “Yes sir. We can say it was a UFO or not for roughly 2,000 American dollars. Now, we will need to research and study all the testimony. And there will be expenses. So that brings us to….*slips on green visor and starts calculating on an old time-y accountant machine*…6,782 dollars and 47 cents.”
  • Publisher of fringe subject magazine: This one kind of falls into the UFOlogist one as well. There are people out there actually subscribing to Batshit Insane Quarterly, or whatever it’s called. And not just a few. No we’re talking enough to maintain this “experts” lifestyle. It always involves ghosts or monsters or UFOs or Bigfoot and Elvis sightings.
  • Conspiracy Experts: Ahhhh, now I’m of two sides on this. On one hand I feel anger because these guys are spouting such weird ass fringe shit like Christ wife moved to France and started the Merovingian dynasty, or 9/11 was an inside job, or that the Freemasons will not stop until everyone in America is under their mind control. On the other hand, some of these leaps of logic are so Superman-esque that it does seem like a super power. And of that, well hell, I’m always jealous of people with super powers (One day Ninja Turtles! One day!). But the most jarring thing is that these people get PAID FOR THIS SHIT! Is it hourly or salary?
  • Ghost Hunters: Another one that barely qualifies as a “job”. “We’re gonna pay you money to spend the night in a place alone. In that time we want to know if anything funny happens”. And not even just a little bit of money. Have you seen some of the equipment they use? That shit costs crazy bank. So they have money to maintain their lives as well as buy wicked expensive amounts of shit! Do me a fave readers. Next time you’re home alone, go through the house and turn everything off. Lights, TV, radio, any source of noise or light. See how long it takes for some “haunting” to go down. My point will be proven further by those whose place of residence isn’t even old enough to house a family, let alone a haunting past (Please read that line in a very spooky voice!) And you will get why I think this is one of the phoniest and baloney-ist of jobs.
  • “POP CULTURE” Historian: These are the ones that really piss me off. Because I would KILL at these jobs! Seriously, one show had a Comic Book Historian. Are you fuckin’ kidding me?! How do I land that sweet job? You mean people will pay me to know a shit ton about comic books? Well, I’m already there guys! Make that sweet ass check out to “Cash”! I’m being serious. Hell, I can also expert on movies, dick and fart jokes, music, cartoons, eighties sitcoms, music videos. Hell, if it involves any kind of pop culture, chances are I AM AN EXPERT! Now if anybody seriously knows how to apply to that job, please just let me know.

Now of course, I really only bitch because these guys were clever enough to think up these sweet jobs. And I’m stuck here trying to make ends meet by actually working. But one day……”Get me an expert on comic books. A historian if possible!” “Well sir, we have just gotten this application from one Tony. And he wants us to make his checks to ‘Cash’ (See it’s one of his provisos).” “Hmm, he seems qualified. And we seriously have all this money that we need to give away. Let’s get him!”

Yeah, that would be pretty sweet.


…on A Work In Progress

Posted in Uncategorized on January 31, 2012 by journeymantojo


That’s what the title is. It’s getting bigger than me. Everyday it’s a new page and a new thought. It’s the post that’s been building and building.

…on “Please Take Off My Van Halen Shirt Before You Jinx The Band And They Break Up”

Posted in Brain Droppings, Chick, Dating, Music, Romance, Sex with tags , , on January 31, 2012 by journeymantojo

Sitting here going through some YouTube videos listening to some old faves when the thought popped into my head “Man, even though there is still an emotional twinge I feel when I listen to the song, I’m glad she didn’t ruin this band for me.”

You see, I hate the concept of “This is our song!” I mean, I get the notion and it’s inevitable because music speaks to us on a primal level. It helps trigger the memory. So sometimes it can be an awesome mnemonic device for remembering the better memories. But the part I hate is when you go through the hairy ass break-up. It always means that when you listen to a song, the emotional connection reemerges.

Now in some cases it’s okay. She was a huge John Mayer fan. So when ever I hear Mr. Mayer, I think of her and my blood boils up a bit. It was a seriously hairy ass break-up. So the “hate” springs back up. So naturally I’m gonna hate the artist because he is inadvertently bringing up the memory. But I can say that I’ve never liked John. So….no loss. Don’t like John Mayer, so I don’t have a hard time changing the station. It actually gives me more reasons to not like his music haha! (Like you needed more reasons?!)

It does suck when you are into a band though. Now you have to either dwell on the good moments in a fit of emotional suffering because the connection is there with the song or change the station. Which you don’t want to do because you liked that song before you even met that bitch.

Yeah, those are the “This is our song!” moments. The ones that make you hate a band because every time you hear Use Somebody, you get down.

“She reached across the console and took my hand. Looks into my eyes and said ‘I feel like this because no one ever got me the way you do’. It’s our anthem.”

So when I hear it, I remember those words and have to change the station. Which sucks. It’s a great song. I’ve gotten over her and have moved on. And now I hear the song and hear a good song. But every now and again, the connection creeps back.

Thankfully she never ruined Jack Johnson. That would have sucked. Flake is an awesome tune to hear when you are trying to pull yourself out of that pit. Or The Bravery.

And I would have been livid if she had ruined Marvin Gaye. But then again, Let’s Get It On is a love making song…..so there’s no emotional attachment associated with that song for us guys haha!

Now I get to leave you with a song that just makes me smile.

You guys have fun. And if she says “This is our song!” Respond with “Oh hell no. I don’t want to have to go through the hell of hating good music if we break up. Let’s make a song I hate our song!” 😛