Archive for the Chick Category

…on The Art of Bullet Dodging

Posted in Brain Droppings, Chick, Deep Ponderings, Happy News, Philosophy on February 5, 2013 by journeymantojo

It’s a subtle art that calls for grace and agility. And it should be mastered by every one. Even the belligerent like myself.

Let’s back up.

A few weeks ago I posted about a gal I was fancying and how I felt about gender assumptions. Well, I was approaching this one cautiously. Sought council with trusted friends. Had established a network of agents to operate and gather intel in my absence. A very good approach to any situation. (And they said I was crazy for reading Sun Tzu…..truthfully nobody has said that. But this is my blog so let’s all just pretend they did. I’m trying to play the part of the misunderstood dude here.)

Now, of course I wasn’t sitting around just waiting for her to magically appear in my doorway, so like I said, I was scouting and calculating risk and so on.

The attraction was part physical but it was also the strong possibility that this one might be level-headed but (And seriously, who didn’t see that coming. If there wasn’t a but this would be called “…on Life Being Pretty Sweet Right Now.”) it turns out that she lacks one of the key qualities to being level-headed.

Her downfall….she pines for someone who has no interest.

[Intermission]: For those who know my past and how far I’ve come, you will understand that despite initial appearance, this isn’t pining over an unrequited but merely a joyous rant on how people confuse me at times because this is the part where she stops being the central focus and the subject of bullet dodging takes the fore. [Game On]

Seriously, what is there to gain from it. Like, I get wanting someone. The paper I list my “date-ables” on, I could build a paper airplane the size of a Boeing 757 with the ability to comfortably accommodate…wait, how many people can comfortably fit in a 757 and how much weight would that be in both food and beverages to accommodate said passengers? Fuck, what was I metaphoring about? Damn. Oh yeah. Look, it would be a lot of paper, okay?! Can we stop putting me under all this pressure. I’ve reached my metaphor quota for this day. Either way though, yes the list is large but the emotional investment has been stopped. I no longer throw those emotions into a relationship where there is no dividend. It’s just irresponsible. So why do people still do it? Why throw away your feelings when there is someone out there who will promise better returns on the emotional investment.

Meanwhile, back at the topic of the heading. I feel I’ve dodged the bullet because like I’ve been saying this whole time, I just won’t invest in something that promises me no returns. And as an added huzzah to this successful dodging of imaginary bullet (IMAGINARY not MAGIC. These are life stories, not conspiracy theories. The JFK room is two halls over.) is the fact that a mutual acquaintance explained to me once that she doesn’t seem to be the cause of drama. The recent unfolding of events have proven to the contrary. So I have dodged the most crucial bullet of all. A drama battery.

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…on “Please Take Off My Van Halen Shirt Before You Jinx The Band And They Break Up”

Posted in Brain Droppings, Chick, Dating, Music, Romance, Sex with tags , , on January 31, 2012 by journeymantojo

Sitting here going through some YouTube videos listening to some old faves when the thought popped into my head “Man, even though there is still an emotional twinge I feel when I listen to the song, I’m glad she didn’t ruin this band for me.”

You see, I hate the concept of “This is our song!” I mean, I get the notion and it’s inevitable because music speaks to us on a primal level. It helps trigger the memory. So sometimes it can be an awesome mnemonic device for remembering the better memories. But the part I hate is when you go through the hairy ass break-up. It always means that when you listen to a song, the emotional connection reemerges.

Now in some cases it’s okay. She was a huge John Mayer fan. So when ever I hear Mr. Mayer, I think of her and my blood boils up a bit. It was a seriously hairy ass break-up. So the “hate” springs back up. So naturally I’m gonna hate the artist because he is inadvertently bringing up the memory. But I can say that I’ve never liked John. So….no loss. Don’t like John Mayer, so I don’t have a hard time changing the station. It actually gives me more reasons to not like his music haha! (Like you needed more reasons?!)

It does suck when you are into a band though. Now you have to either dwell on the good moments in a fit of emotional suffering because the connection is there with the song or change the station. Which you don’t want to do because you liked that song before you even met that bitch.

Yeah, those are the “This is our song!” moments. The ones that make you hate a band because every time you hear Use Somebody, you get down.

“She reached across the console and took my hand. Looks into my eyes and said ‘I feel like this because no one ever got me the way you do’. It’s our anthem.”

So when I hear it, I remember those words and have to change the station. Which sucks. It’s a great song. I’ve gotten over her and have moved on. And now I hear the song and hear a good song. But every now and again, the connection creeps back.

Thankfully she never ruined Jack Johnson. That would have sucked. Flake is an awesome tune to hear when you are trying to pull yourself out of that pit. Or The Bravery.

And I would have been livid if she had ruined Marvin Gaye. But then again, Let’s Get It On is a love making song…..so there’s no emotional attachment associated with that song for us guys haha!

Now I get to leave you with a song that just makes me smile.

You guys have fun. And if she says “This is our song!” Respond with “Oh hell no. I don’t want to have to go through the hell of hating good music if we break up. Let’s make a song I hate our song!” 😛

…on Let’s Make A Pact, You’re Gonna Say Exactly What You Mean

Posted in Chick, Dating, Happy News, Romance with tags , , , on January 9, 2012 by journeymantojo

God bless all my friends, especially the female ones. And yeah, even the straight shooting ones!

I’ve sorted out what it was that had upset me. Sometimes it just takes a while to get my head around it because emotions tend to cloud my favorite pal…Logic.

I was upset because I have been around this damn ride so many times in the past month or two that, unfortunately for her, it was the straw that broke the camels back. I’ve reached a point that what needs to be said is exactly what is in your head.

Now, it is a little easier for me to say that now because my mind decided to be MORE direct. As in I was already a pretty direct person (One ex told me that she felt like sometimes I forgot that I was talking to a woman because I was too blunt…..whoops.) but now I’ve become this weird amalgamation of Asperger’s and insanity. Saying whatever comes into my head. Fuck decorum. I would like to say this was some kind of New Year’s resolution gone wrong (“Hey, I resolve to just say what I’m feeling. Hey pretty lady, your hot and why am I still wearing pants?!”) but as anyone who follows my blog knows, I’m not into resolutions.

No, this one seems to have just happened. I was talking to a friend and my head told my mouth to say “Well, I don’t foresee us fucking anytime soon so I figured I’d let you know why I’m not feeling good.” And I’ll be damned if my mouth didn’t just up and say it. My mouth is such an easy pushover, always doing what my brain tells it to do. Pussy. And boy, the look she gave me. Priceless. It wasn’t the look of “Where is your manners good sir?!?” but more of a “Good God man, would you mind taking a minute to stop violated decorum and speak as civilized people do?!?” She didn’t seem too impressed. Understandably so. In my defense, I wasn’t really saying it to impress. “Wow, that was direct!” was her response. I let out a chuckle, “Yeah, I guess so. But hell, if we can’t say what we think, what’s the point of trying?” It took her a day, but we’re back to good. Going to have coffee soon. And it’s kind of liberated her as well in a sense. (I texted her a few days ago saying “One of these days, I’m going to buy you that coffee I promised you.” Her response? “Hopefully before I’m gray!” Brought a big smile to my face.)

So, I’m not mad at my brain for doing that to me. I’m glad. It’s been a bit liberating. I’m not a person that really holds back on his opinion, or what he feels, or what he thinks, or what ever pops into his head. Asshole always seems to cross people’s lips when describing me.

Because games aren’t my thing. Don’t think I’m very good at them so I don’t play them. This little incident Friday reminded me of one of my core principles. One that somehow got lost in the paperwork. So it’s back to good ole’ me and just speaking from the one thing I’ve always trusted most…..myself.

And in response to one comment that was left on my last post: Nope, I’ve never tried to juggle more than one woman at a time while dating. 1> I don’t like being the consolation prize so I never do that to another woman; there is no “Well, if she doesn’t work out then maybe the other one I have on the line will.” 2> If at any time I feel it isn’t working, she will be the first to know. I’d rather her hate me now than weeks down the road after leading her to think there is something going on.


…on The Great Debate

Posted in Chick, Dating, Romance with tags , , , on January 8, 2012 by journeymantojo

After calling several times and only getting a voicemail. And then trying to text to say “pick up the damn phone”, I finally decided to just say “Fuck it!” and sent an email explaining why it had hurt me, why I was pissed and why I felt she was a lie. I didn’t expect a reply (People don’t tend to respond well to being called two-faced.) but Lo! I got a response.

In it she explains how she was sorry for what she had done and that she doesn’t feel like having to explain what she did and yadda-yadda-yadda…..long story short, it seemed like she was trying to say that she wants to be friends still.

How in the hell am I supposed to be friends when I feel like you lied? Like I opened myself up to you to have you break that down. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” But you did. Pretty bad surprisingly (To me it’s surprising. But in my defense, I thought there was a lot of chemistry….wait, she said the same thing too!). We had started talking and it was going so well. Like we were both very excited to be hearing from the other. But I knew what with the holidays approaching, I needed to take it slooooow because when shit gets busy…well, it’s a bit tricky to be dating with everything going on. But then I started feeling the pressure. “When are we gonna have a coffee together?” Man, I can’t wait to meet you.”

I buckled. God, I shoulda stood my ground. But I guess what seemed logical to me doesn’t always appeal to others. So we decided to have coffee and she started to freak a little because she felt so pressured like it was a relationship (Uh, you were the one calling me, I was just shooting a text on occasion and leaving voicemails saying “Hey, you’re in my thoughts and I hope your day is going well.” No, you were the one who called me every night for two weeks before we met for coffee. So, who was being pressured? You can catch my little rant about “pressure” in dating here. It mentions our outing for coffee.) She drops the bomb “I’m just not ready for a relationship.” Okay, it’s a date woman….not a marriage proposal. This relaxed her a bit and we continued to talk for a few more hours. She was such a cool chick. We hugged and got in our cars and went home. We talked a few more times on the phone after that.

But as the holidays approached, I shot her a text (Tried to call a few times but got nothing.) saying that things were getting busy and that I wouldn’t be able to chat much but that I was still thinking of her and that I will try to shoot her a text to say hey on occasion. That was for two weeks. Two weeks after our date. I finally get a chance to call her and say I would love to meet again (She was shocked at that…guess that was my first clue). I call her a few more times. We chat for a short bit. Then I get a text asking what days off I had. Well, the next day I was off so she says “I will call you after I’m done.” Cool!

She calls and we talk for a bit and like a tool I compliment her and say I’ve missed talking to her (Which I honestly had missed talking to her.) and that’s where she drops the bomb on me. “Tony, I’ve been seeing someone and I know I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but it just sort of happened and….” “So, I’m out of the picture now? (Duh Tony)” “Well, we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now..” “A few weeks?! So shortly after our date you start seeing someone that you want to get serious with?”

I’ll spare you the drama but I was furious. Hurt like hell.

My point is…like a fucking idiot, I replied to her email response. Seems I always have to have the last word. I was cordial. Explaining why it sucked and how it didn’t make sense to say you weren’t ready only to find out that you are seeing someone serious like shortly after our meeting….the one where she said those very damn words. And the “it just happened” explanation doesn’t help. If you had meant what you said to me then it would not have “just happened”. I mean, am I just not getting this female’s logic?

…on The Neverending Quest Of The Safety

Posted in Chick, Dating, Romance with tags , , on January 6, 2012 by journeymantojo

Wow! So that’s another one to knock my dick in the dirt. And today started off so good too.

So I’ve been chatting with this gal for a few weeks and we had a lot of chemistry. Note I said had.

Seems that she was one of the oh so many who just wasn’t “sure” if she wanted a relationship. So I figured “What the hey, I’ll give her some space, be all cool and shit and get to know her a little more because we have some chemistry and I could see hooking up with her. No pressure.”

Well, after the New Year’s I decided to up the game and let her know that I was thinking of her. See if I couldn’t get another date. right?

Well, I got a phone call today and was all being playful. She pauses for a brief second and tells me that although she said she wasn’t sure if she was ready, she has started seeing someone. Wow. Really?! Like that?

“But understand, I didn’t mean for it to happen and I don’t know where it’s going but we have been seeing each other for a few weeks. You and I had some really good chemistry but everything got all hectic and I guess the timing was just bad….I don’t know….I just decided to see this other guy.”

I’m trying not to be bitter but I’m really sick and tired of this bullshit. If you don’t like me or I fucking repulse you….just fucking tell me. Don’t give me some bullshit about “timing” or your “readiness” or any of that other shit.

I’m also a bit tired of nobody being ready for a relationship…correction; I’m tired of everybody being ready for a relationship with anybody but me.

Fuck this. I’m done. I’ve just fucking had it. Anybody wants me you can find me when I get back. I’m tired of this place breaking me down every day. “Having a good day? Well, we can’t have that bullshit.” Why? Why can’t I fucking get mine?

…on Friends With The Opposite Sex

Posted in Chick, Chick Friends, Happy News on December 12, 2011 by journeymantojo

I met her through a friend’s girlfriend. They were friends and came over together and were hanging out while I happened to be there (I say it like I “just” happened to be there. I was actually staying there crashing on his couch for a bit. So I happened to be there because I was living there.)

She was cool and we had a bit in common and she was really honest. A bit shy but never afraid to be herself. Oh’ and she happened to be married.

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUU……

Oh well I figured. To be honest, I was in no position to be wooing anyone let alone looking to start something. So we talked and had a great time and that was the end.

I ran into her again at my buddies wedding. I was the best man and she was a bridesmaid (maid of honor if memory serves. This was while I was still “using” so my memory tends to blur sometimes.) We talked some more but again, she was married and I was eyeing another chick. So she helped me hook-up with said chick. Me and this gal dated for a while. Because it brought me into that circle of friends it meant we would all hang out at the married gal’s house often. While there, me and Married Woman would stay up talking about wanting to be writers and reading nerdy stuff and all the different experiences we got into. We became closer as friends.

So when the break-up happened, Married Gal came over to my place to help me through it. Friends with my ex but was over there talking me through the split up.

We lost touch for a while. Didn’t really hang out after the break-up. Living our lives.

A few years later we ran into each other. She had gotten a divorce (which I was totally for. And not for crush reasons. The guy was just not right for her at all.) I contemplated asking her out but felt it just wasn’t right what with her being “recently divorced”. Didn’t want to be the “rebound” guy. So I would run into her occasionally and we’d talk for a bit and then go our separate ways.

During this time I got sober. I cleaned up. Quit the drugs and hard partying and started to get my life in check. I was actually getting my head right and becoming myself again.

A short time later (a few years or so I think.) I found out through a friend that she had started dating some guy and that things were going great. I wanted to be upset for missing my shot but, I was really genuinely happy for her. We finally got in touch via getting each others number and I found out that this guy was the bees knees according to her. She had become less shy, started smiling a lot more. I can’t say if it was him or not, but there was definitely some coincidences with them meeting and her happiness increasing.

We kept in touch through text. I started going to her about relationships and all that stuff because (Through her insightful nature) she really knew me and hell, her relationship was the tops so who better to ask than someone who had seen the bad and the good. We would hang out and she would give me the female perspective and we would talk about life and being nerds. Life, loves, everything.

A few months after being back in touch she told me some awesome news. Her boyfriend of a few years had finally popped the question. I was happy for her. Now I had to meet this guy who was making my friend smile.

I got to meet the guy briefly. And from the quick read and what she’s told me of him, this guy really does rock. He’s a laid back groovy dude. And he has gotten her into playing Exalted (Nerds know what I’m talking about.) She text me the other night about how she’s become a gamer girl. That’s hilarious to me because she used to be so shy and now she’s showing veteran gamers how it’s done.

I now count her as one of my best friends. And I hope that nothing ever changes. I hope to be a part of her life for the rest of my days. She was the first one to really show me that the opposite sexes can be friends.

So here’s to you Janie and Eli. It’s a bit late – and this was a round-a-bout way of saying it, but congratulations on the news and I hope for the very best for both of you. Now when’s the date and where’s my damn invite?