…on Growing Up, Not Growing Old

Stop microwave at 0:01……bomb defused!

When I walk up to automatic doors, I wave my hands before they open. Because I’m a sorcerer!

I sneak up on someone and say their name. Scared them? If yes, then I’m a NINJA!

Hiding in the clothes rack at a department store whispering “Pick me!” when someone is shopping. I’m the Phantom of the Kohl’s!

Drop cookie and successfully juggling, then catching said cookie. Raise hand in victory because there is no sweeter awesome than the accidental awesome!

Saying “Hey, did you see the new upsexy?” and having the person ask “What’s upsexy?” setting me up for the funniest lame ass response ever (“Not much gorgeous, what’s up with you?!”). I am a master comic!

Having a fragile item fall off a shelf and catching it before it hits the ground AND making it look effortless. I’m an ASSASSIN!

That’s what I feel like. Like I just got one over on the world. Do a little victory dance and celebrate the win.

You see, I have trouble hearing people judge me over the sound of my own AWESOMENESS! To all my friends past, present and future, thank you. It’s your little chuckles and giggles as I celebrate my awesomeness (and yours when you pull similar stunts) that make us who we are. The League Of Extraordinary Awesomers Of Epic Winitude! The LOEAOEW! (I’m admittedly still working on what we should call our superhero group!)

And to the people who worry about what strangers think. Fuck ’em! The greatest bit of wisdom I’ve ever received from an old person was “I stay this energetic because I keep this thought with me ‘Grow up, but never grow old.'”

Rock on old dude! Rock on!

Because growing old means all this shit!

And who wants that? So here’s to growing up but never growing old! If you stop having fun then you end up as….well, boring. Because one day we will get the girl who is this one.

Which means you’ll get sex!

Yeah! Enjoy this random ass post! Here’s to laughter and smiling and shit! And if you don’t? Well, throw it on the ground!



3 Responses to “…on Growing Up, Not Growing Old”

  1. This, sir, is genius. It is, perhaps, legendary as well. Well done, good sir. Well done.

  2. Being awesome is a burden but you wear it well- great post!

  3. […] prick (Oooh, big shocker on that one Tony.) I will be political. And I will, as always, be a little dumb. But above all else, I will […]

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