…on The State Of The Union

“So this has proven to be one of the most anticipated State Of The Union addresses in quite some time. For those of you living under a rock…..or squarely planted in Michelle Bachman’s buttocks, here’s The Daily Shows Chief Obvious Stater to explain why. Wyatt.”

“Thank you Jon. It’s because he has BALLS!”

*****

“So what are some of the things you think he will address in his first State Of The Union, Tom?”

“Katie, it can only be speculated. He has been so unpredictable ever since the primaries and his surprise election. And then there is the fact that he has done some very unprecedented things during his transition into office – naming his former presidential opponent to Secretary of State as well as enlisting some of his biggest opponents during his senate years to key cabinet positions – what some have started calling a ‘Team Of Rivals’ administration – to his ‘bordering on loose cannon’ speeches during the campaign. There are a lot of things on everyone’s mind but the exact details of the speech are anyone’s guess. We do know for certain that if we see his signature wink-the wink he gave his campaign manager after winning the primaries that we have discovered he means to, as he explains it, ‘address the people directly-we’re in for one heck of a show.”

“Alright Tom. Well, the Speaker and Majority Leader have taken there seats as well as the Vice President. Things are under way.”

*****

“Ladies and gentleman….The President Of The United States Of America”

*****

“Thank you. A quick aside, every time I hear that song I think of the movie ‘My Fellow Americans’ where Jack Lemmon asks James Garner if he ever makes up words to ‘All Hail The Chief’. Love the words he makes up. ‘All hail the chief because he’s the chief and he needs hailing’. Good movie.

I wanted to start on a light note because-

*wink*

-The State Of The Union is…

In trouble. We have let fear and buzzwords fill our reality. After winning the primaries I said to myself that I was a very fortunate American to have gotten this close to the golden ring…the Presidency. And that I was no longer going to be speaking from a prompter but from my gut. My campaign manager used to joke with the others in my campaign about every time I gave a speech or did a town hall meeting ‘We’re about to see what a political suicide looks like. Brace yourselves’. Well, now as Chief of Staff I guess the joke will be ‘Let’s see how many points he can lose this time.’

Divided. That’s what we’ve become. Divided and petty. One party has a lack of ideas while the other side’s apparent concern is to refine their zealotry. And the people that suffer the most are…The People. The people who look to us for guidance in this ever-changing, rapidly-evolving world. Where old ideas and notions are falling out of practice – not because we don’t care for them anymore. They have fallen away because they have proven to be a hindrance to us. Science, religion, socionomic and economic ideas that have proven to hamper our evolution as both; a nation that heralds new ideologies and; a people that always pushes to new frontiers. Where have we gone wrong?

Petty squabbles over supposed differences. It’s become a poison to our progressive nature. The two party system has finally shown it’s negative nature. We don’t see it as ‘Good game, sir. We will meet again in four years so until then let’s do what needs to be done.’ No! We’ve adapted the mentality of sore winners and sorer losers. We’re not a nation of ‘winners and losers’. That policy has got to cease. We have been assigned to lead what was – what still IS – the greatest nation on Earth. No longer should we be a world power because we have the most guns. NO! We ARE a world power because we are a nation that has always fostered great ideas.But these ideas will not grow in a poisoned environ. They will cease being great ideas because we only introduce them as GAMBITS! As cards held up our sleeves to hinder the others great ideas.

Idealism. We built a nation on that. We resisted a tyranny. A resistance that was sparked by an IDEA. An idea that called for both great compromise and great sacrifice. But we are no longer willing to sacrifice. We now look out for the ones that line our pockets. Gold and silver may make you happy now, but for what good is that happiness if you can not know it with a CLEAR CONSCIENCE.

Democracy. A government OF the people. Not a plutocracy! Not a theocracy! A DEMOCRACY!

So here we stand. Those the people look upon – not for hand-holding – but for guidance. A beacon of light to shine as we move into the future. Will I be the most popular. No! But I will do everything within my power given to me by THE PEOPLE to make sure that this generation, and this UNITED States of America will be at the forefront of greatness. I look forward to everyone here – as well as the people of this nation – to join me.”

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4 Responses to “…on The State Of The Union”

  1. Disclaimer: This has been some speculative writing. Fiction. Let’s enjoy it as so. Because we all know my ass would be assassinated two days after this speech LMAO.

  2. You and me both, buddy. You and me both.

  3. I would vote for you!

  4. […] wound. I will be a nerd. I will be a cynical prick (Oooh, big shocker on that one Tony.) I will be political. And I will, as always, be a little dumb. But above all else, I will […]

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